Riffing on MDA's Television Code Part 3

PART 9: HORROR, SUPERNATURAL, FORTUNE TELLING & OTHER BELIEFS

9.1 As programmes with horror and supernatural content may be frightening to children, they should be broadcast in timeslots that are less accessible to children. Broadcasters must ensure that such programmes are not too excessive and frequent. Edits should also be made to tone down the more horrifying sequences.

Let’s go one step further, shall we? Let’s stop selling True Singapore Ghost Stories in bookstores as they promote the belief of ghosts and other supernatural beings to youth. No more telecasts of The Ghost Whisperer, Supernatural, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the Thriller MV. In fact, while we are at it, science fiction and fantasy genres should also be censored.

9.2 Belief in superstition should not be promoted.

Like people are going to be less superstitious anyway.

*’Superstition’ by Stevie Wonder plays in the background*

Occult and ‘Psychic’ Practices

9.3 Programmes exploring occult or ‘psychic’ practices, particularly those with actual demonstrations of exorcisms and occult practices involving supposed contact with spirits or the dead, should be treated with caution.

Not to worry, I choose you, Alakazam!

Alakazam used Psychic!!

It was super effective!

Gastly fainted!

9.4 Broadcasters should exercise caution when scheduling fiction programmes which focus on ‘psychic’ or supernatural phenomena. Programmes of this nature should be scheduled after 10pm, especially in instances where the treatment or presentation of such themes is dark and frightening for younger viewers.

Hmm… how about taking horoscopes out of teenage magazines and removing that fengshui analysis of the Chinese Zodiac in each Lunar New Year countdown show as well?

(I can imagine what a stink people will make.)

Fortune Telling & Other Beliefs

9.5 Programmes based on or pertaining to fortune-telling, feng-shui, palm-reading, numerology, mind-reading, tarot reading, astrology, new age healing and the like should not give the impression that these practices are exact sciences.

I guess the changing of the rotation of the Singapore Flyer and the design of the Singapore dollar in its 8 Trigrams shape were undoubtedly based on scientific reasoning and solid reasoning based on conventional facts. Yeah…

(Also, Fountain of Wealth in Suntec City? That ring a bell?)

PART 10: NEWS & OTHER FACTUAL PROGRAMMES

10.1 Due impartiality requires broadcasters to deal even-handedly with diverse viewpoints in any factual (especially forum-based) programmes. Balance should be sought through the presentation of different viewpoints. Programmes should not be slanted by the exclusion of facts or by misleading emphasis. Every reasonable effort must be made to ensure that the factual content of programmes is accurate.

We wouldn’t want a Fox News clone here now, would we?

10.2 A right of reply or an opportunity to respond shall be granted to the Government or its agencies, to correct mistakes, wrongful reporting or misrepresentations. For private individuals and groups, an opportunity to respond should be considered on the merits of each case. MDA may direct a broadcaster to give an aggrieved party the opportunity to respond over an appropriate medium.

Everybody else, you see that back seat there? Go occupy it.

10.3 Significant errors in factual programmes such as news, current affairs and documentary programmes should be corrected and broadcast at the earliest opportunity.

Please do. Viewership is limited already.

News

10.4 Presentation of news must observe the following guidelines:

(a) News reports / bulletins should always be presented with due impartiality and without the interjection of personal views by presenters. They should also be clearly distinguished from commentary and analysis.

We are the judges, the jury and the executioners.

(I am the law!)

(b) Morbid, sensational, or alarming details not essential to factual reporting should be avoided.

But they make such sensational news!

(c) Particular care must be taken when reporting on sexual crimes. Reports must not carry information which could lead to the identification of such victims.

Huh. Tell that to the New Paper and those CSI gossip hounds online.

(d) News reports must be sensitive to the use of materials or information relating to a person's personal or private affairs. The broadcast of such materials or information is acceptable only if there is an identifiable public interest for doing so.

Ditto the above. You know, some of those people online can opt to become private detectives if they aren’t already.

(e) Images that may seriously distress or offend should only be displayed when there is an identifiable public interest reason for doing so. In this regard, sensitivity must be exercised in broadcasting images of or interviews with bereaved relatives and survivors or witnesses of traumatic incidents.

You know the disclaimer that goes: images may be slightly disturbing. Viewer discretion is advised.

People are still going to watch anyway.

(f) Sexual or other sensational material should not be exploited as news items without justification.

So no subscribing to the mantra: Sex sells?

10.5 Any simulation of a television news bulletin or news flash to be included in any programme should be clearly distinguishable from an actual news bulletin.

Warning: Do not adjust your TV set. Any attempts to change the channel will result in your hair turning violet and pus will shoot out of your bellybutton.

Personal View Programmes

10.6 Opinion should be clearly distinguished from fact in all factual programmes. Personal view programmes in which an individual is given the opportunity to put forward his or her own views, without necessarily referring to opposing views, are subject to the following guidelines:

All opinions expressed are of the host and not of (insert Media Company here). The (Insert media corporation here) does not take responsibility of the opinions stated of the hosts of this show… So on and so forth.

(a) The programme must be clearly identified as one which contains personal opinions/views, both in advance announcements and at the start of the programme.

Of course, in uniquely Singapore, our opinions and facts are very well matched in the news medium.

(b) Acknowledged or undisputed facts must be respected, and broadcasters have an obligation to do what they can to ensure that the opinions expressed, however partial, do not rest upon false or inaccurate facts.

Now, what I want is, Facts. Teach these boys and girls nothing but Facts. Facts alone are wanted in life. Plant nothing else, and root out everything else. You can only form the minds of reasoning animals upon Facts: nothing else will ever be of any service to them. This is the principle on which I bring up my own children, and this is the principle on which I bring up these children. Stick to Facts, sir!

(c) A suitable opportunity for response to the programme should be provided to correct mistakes, factual errors or biased analyses.

Disclaimers are your best friend!

Always cover your own arse! (It’s a Singaporean trait. Live with it)

Accuracy and Fairness in Dramatised 'Reconstructions'

10.7 Dramatised “reconstructions” in factual programmes or docu-dramas that seek to reconstruct actual events as a means of obtaining greater authenticity should not distort key reality issues and should be identified as such, so that the fictional elements are not misleadingly presented as fact.

To be fair, there are few really ignorant people that believe those ‘criminals’ were the real deal. Best not to encourage idiocy.  

10.8 The evidence on which a dramatic reconstruction is based should be tested with the same rigour required of a factual programme. Sequences that are based on extracts of court proceedings or other matters of public record must be fair and accurate. Where the creative realisation of some elements (such as characterisation, dialogue or atmosphere) may introduce a fictional dimension, this should not be allowed to distort the known facts.

Which is why we would never have a Singaporean Judge Judy show.

(Not that I want to watch one anyway.)

PART 11: REALITY, MUSICAL & VARIETY PROGRAMMES

Reality TV

11.1 As Reality TV may involve the filming of ordinary individuals with or without their consent or in set-up situations, complaints about programme invasion of privacy can arise from the gathering of material or from the way an individual is treated in such programmes. Broadcasters shall only collect material for broadcast purpose by means which are lawful and fair in the circumstances of the case.

How much of Reality TV is real nowadays?

(Is there a release form for people to sign then?)

Musical & Variety Programmes

11.2 Films and music videos disallowed under the Films Act should generally not be broadcast. However, if suitable edits can be made, such content may be deemed passable for broadcast. Songs disallowed or otherwise prohibited under the applicable laws and regulations in Singapore must not be aired. Music associated with drugs, alternative lifestyles (e.g. homosexuality) or the worship of the occult or the devil should not be broadcast.

Of course, there’s one music video that should have been banned but wasn’t.

This.

(My eyes!! The goggles, they do nothing!!!)

11.3 Broadcasters must exercise sensitivity and avoid humour which offends good taste and decency. Examples include jokes based on race, gender, disability, as such humour (even without malicious intent) can easily cause hurt or humiliation.

Oh please, can you believe that our news anchors are capable of cracking even a simple joke? They are already so stiff-necked you could lay them out to use as an ironing board.

11.4 It is the responsibility of the broadcaster to ensure that choreographed dance sequences and the appearance of artists should be in good taste and not offend any religion, race or culture. Specifically, entertainment programmes involving children should not be exploitative or distasteful. Care must be taken to ensure that children performing in entertainment programmes are not made to behave inappropriately (e.g. stripping and wearing skimpy clothing).

Well, that would be pure nightmare fuel if that’s ever going to happen. Wait, has it happened?

11.5 Where a contest is included in a programme, references to prizes must not be made in such a way as to amount to advertising. Aural or visual references to prizes or acknowledgement of the source of prizes are allowed in contests provided that they are not excessive. The presentation of tobacco products as prizes or gifts for contests is not permitted.

Sssssmokin!!! It’s hazardous to your health. And it stains your teeth.

(This message is brought to you by the Singapore Dental Association.)

PART 12: LANGUAGE

12.1 Programmes should maintain high standards of language and speech in the four official languages of Singapore.

A+ standard leh! Don’t pray pray horh .

12.2 Standard English, which is grammatically correct, should be used for programmes such as news, current affairs and info-educational programmes. Local English, which is also grammatically correct but pronounced with a Singaporean accent and which may include local terms and expressions, could be used for programmes like dramas, comedies and variety shows.

Yeah, time to send the funny Singlish colloquialisms to the grave. 

And you wonder why there is a dearth of culture and identity in Singapore.

12.3 Singlish, which is ungrammatical local English, and includes dialect terms and sentence structures based on dialect, should not be encouraged and can only be permitted in interviews, where the interviewee speaks only Singlish. The interviewer himself, however, should not use Singlish.

Cheerio, lads. I dare say if word gets out that a former colony of the British speaks proper Queen’s English, it would be add another feather in our cap!

Why, our trade with the English could very well be improved!

Jolly good show, my fine gentlemen!

12.4 All Chinese programmes, except operas or other programmes specifically approved by the Authority, must be in Mandarin. Dialects in dialogues and songs may be allowed provided the context justifies usage and is sparingly used. Exceptions are given to:

Wow, I do hope the ‘Authority’ is really good in Mandarin. Since they are the ‘Authority’ on all Chinese programs. I wonder how many of these MDA buggers scored A’s in the Chinese language?

(a) News, current affairs and info-educational programmes where dialect interviews are given by older people or foreigners who can only converse in dialect. Subtitles or voice-overs should be provided for these interviews.

Let’s just hope the subtitles/voiceovers covey the true meaning of the interviewee.

(b) Some dialect terms such as those used for food (e.g. bak kut teh, char kway teow and ang gu kuey) may also be used in local dramas.

Seriously, it would be hilarious if they made translations for these foods. Meat Bone Tea, anyone?

(c) Dialect theme songs may also be played during the opening or closing programme credits of acquired Chinese dramas.

Huat ah! At least got some concession.

(Dub themes add more narm though)

12.5 Sub-standard Mandarin (characterised by poor syntax or use of vocabulary, poorly pronounced Mandarin or mixed with many dialect terms) should be avoided in all Chinese programmes.

But it’s perfectly okay to bring in celebrities that are not well-versed in Mandarin to do Channel 8 shows. Huayu Cool!

12.6 Dialects in dialogues and songs in English programmes may be allowed provided the context justifies usage and is sparingly used. (Exceptions as in Clause 12.4 (a) and (b) apply.)

So dialects in English are tolerated to a greater extent than Mandarin dialects.

Me thinks there is a disparity here.

12.7 The use of Bahasa Melayu Baku (standard pronunciation of Malay) is encouraged for all Malay programmes, particularly news, current affairs and information programmes. Specific guidelines as follows:

(a) For local programmes, info-educational and current affairs programmes must be in Bahasa Melayu Baku. Some flexibility can be given to drama and variety shows.

Apa ini? Bagus siah!

(b) Foreign or acquired programmes that require dubbing should be in Bahasa Melayu Baku. However, acquired programmes that are already in Malay need not be re-dubbed into Bahasa Melayu Baku.

Heh, I think I need to ask the Malaysians if our Behasa Malayu is appropriately accurate.

PART 13: INTERACTIVE SERVICES

Contests & Premium Charge Telephone Services

13.1 If, during a program or program promotion, viewers are invited to use a premium charge telephone service (including SMS) to obtain information, register a view on a matter or participate in a competition, the broadcaster must provide clearly readable information about the cost of the call. If the programme is one that has a substantial child audience, information about the cost of the call must be in a form which children can understand, and must be presented visually and orally. Children must be asked to seek parental permission before calling.

Remember kids, don’t waste your parents hard earned money on meaningless SMSes.

That’s what toys and candy are for.

SMS, MMS & Other Interactive Services

13.2 Locally produced or packaged programmes which allow viewers to interact on-air via short messaging service (SMS) or multimedia messaging service (MMS) are subject to the guidelines in this Code and the following conditions:

Seriously, who sends MMSes?

(a) All SMS/MMS should be screened and moderated before broadcast and be in accordance with the guidelines in this Code.

Is there a provision for charging too much for one SMS to vote in those so-called reality shows? 60 cents is an exorbitant sum to charge for one short message.

(b) The provision, promotion or facilitation of anonymous private chat services or options is not allowed. Even if the broadcaster does not offer an actual private chat service or option, the moderator must screen out all SMS/MMS that solicit private chat among users (e.g., messages that provide users’ personal contact details must be screened out). The programme should also not be used as a means for soliciting dates among users (e.g., strangers arranging to meet each other at an agreed public place).

Huh. I seriously doubt perverts would want to solicit dates that cost 60 cents a pop, keeping in mind this applies for each message sent. The person would have to be an abrupt charmer, even Casanova couldn’t possibly be that good.

Pervert: Want to go out with me?

Girl: Ok.

PART 14: STIMULI BEYOND NORMAL PERCEPTUAL THRESHOLD

Subliminal Messages

14.1 Broadcasters should not employ the process known as “subliminal perception” or any other techniques or devices (e.g. by using images of very brief duration) which attempts to convey information to the viewer by transmitting messages beyond the normal threshold of awareness.

Worship the LEEs!

Flashing Images and Regular Patterns

14.2 Flashing lights and certain types of regular visual patterns can cause problems for some viewers who have photosensitive epilepsy. Care must be taken to minimise these risks in all programmes, but especially those where young people are likely to be watching as they could be more susceptible.

Just ask poor Porygon. He hasn’t got a themed episode after that episode fiasco in Japan.

Hypnotism

14.3 For any broadcast on demonstration of hypnotism for entertainment, care must be taken to minimise the risk of hypnosis being induced in susceptible viewers. In particular, the hypnotist must not be shown performing straight into the camera.

You are feeling very sleepy…

When I snap my fingers, you will forget all that you have read and wake up feeling decidedly content and blissful. You will not complain nor rant against the establishment. The mainstream media will become your best friend.

Zzzzzzz……

????

Oh yeah, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you!

What was I doing just now anyway? Weird.